Angels Fall to the Ground


The soul who feels, shrinks daily, as the fist of painful grief squeezes its heart tightly, slowly cutting off its life source. Grief grabs a handful of feathers from its angel victim, each feather that falls to the ground a story of violent change, or lonely nothingness, or love departed, or daily struggle to find strength. For many wonderful human angels right next to each of us, every day is a battle to deal with unending physical torments or helplessness in the face of the unkindness of other humans. Finally, in many cases, there are not enough feathers left and flight seems impossible…


I imagined this topic would come up for this blog at some point, maybe not this soon into the start of my blogging career, but it is here now. I have had a few friends off themselves, or die “accidentally.” I have had some friends battle with depression and come close to actually leaving the planet, another friend just recently in fact with a near-miss. This caused me to think about everyone in this situation and remember my own time in the dark.


I have also known what it is to be profoundly depressed in loneliness aggravated by heartbreak, long ago for a year or two. I even contemplated how I might escape this world. Personally, I did not want to take any medication at the time and did not tell anyone that I was that far down. I suffered through it alone, as many do, but finally began to come out of it. I had a couple of friends I confided in, finally, who offered alternative forms of therapy that may have helped me.


Everyone’s stories of depression and near misses (or failures ending in suicide) are different. I cannot even begin to do the subject justice here, even having previously experienced it myself. I have my solid understanding, now, of a divine plan that is too big to comprehend entirely. It is too big even begin to go into in this moment.


However, I still cannot imagine what might happen if I were to experience a great deal of excruciating and chronic physical pain. This can also drive people to try to end it all, and I can only hope that I would personally be strong enough to handle it. Some friends have had to deal with an extreme amount of pain that has caused them to want to give up.


Strength to Overcome


One thing that definitely helped me was coming across a friend who got me reading about Christian Spiritism in the year 2000. Since that time I have been 100% convinced that we all live an eternal spiritual life and that there is a reason for everything. This helped me become stronger to deal with the bigger challenges that were yet to come.


I have endured trials and tribulations much worse now, since the trifling ones I went through during my journey into the dark underworld of my soul. These nightmares I have been living through in recent years (mostly as a result of the actions of the father of my daughter), have been HARD. However, I was just able to bear them enough for the sake of my daughter and the future.


I believe this was due, in large part, to having discovered a spiritual understanding I could sink my teeth into. These challenges I can now even see as an amazing opportunity for the growth of my soul (growth of my character, if you happen not to believe in God and eternal life).


I feel so much for all who are suffering in such loneliness and pain that they want to give up. It is so fudging hard to live on this planet for many people. The thing I intuited, during my own dark journey, before I started studying Christian Spiritism, was that it would be incredibly selfish to leave my loved ones by taking my own life.


ALSO, that IF I had left this life intentionally, it wouldn’t let me off the hook – Somehow I knew, or remembered, that I would have to come back to do this lesson of loneliness and feeling separate all over again. Probably another turn at life would carry with it a higher level of difficulty than I have experienced this time around. Christian Spiritism does confirm this earlier intuition that I had which kept me here on the planet then.


Finding Purpose and Love


My parents had a friend, when I was little, whom we visited one day. I remember him as being a quadriplegic and a painter. I watched him paint with a brush in his mouth, making art. He was a lovely, friendly man that seemed to be enjoying life. Despite everything, he found his way in the world, found a purpose. I would like to think that I could do that – find a way to live happily and have a purpose no matter what happens in life.


The reason I tell my story here is because I would like to hold all people, suffering in darkness, in my arms and encourage them to try, try, try to hang in there. I would like to hold them until each one can rebuild a new purpose in life, find a new mission that can give their lives meaning.


I do not know how atheists make it through these tough times, and imagine that many don’t. To them, I would advise that if they are feeling desperate, they should try to open themselves to the possibility that there is a divine spark inside each one of us. That seed has the code of life within it, guiding us if we are willing to listen very closely. Personally, from my studies and my intuition, I believe it is that spark that flickers, even in the hearts of the staunchest non-believers, which keeps them going.


I do believe that we can get a great deal of support out of a spiritual practice that helps us understand why we suffer and the benefits of sticking it out. However, regardless of spiritual belief or non-belief, one simple thing that we can ALL do for one another is to check in with those around us. Even a smile to a someone, or the opportunity to ask, “Are you okay?” or lending an ear for a bit, could make all the difference to someone. We do not know. It is good to keep an eye on one another and put the support out there when we can, with all our heart.


If you are suffering, contemplating suicide, and you are capable:

  • Ask others for help
  • See a counselor
  • Ask for help
  • Deepen or begin a spiritual practice
  • PRAY for help
  • Change your routine
  • Ask for help
  • Call a hotline if you are close to leaving life early
  • Ask for help
  • Find reasons to wait until tomorrow, whatever your reasons may be
  • Ask for help


Eventually, your suffering will end.

Eventually, you will be surrounded with love and new purpose.

Hang in there!

With time all fallen angels will mend their wings and fly again.


Music Link:

Sunrise – Our Last Night



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