Putting it Back on Ourselves
Taking responsibility for our challenges, rather than wasting time and opportunities to grow by blaming outside sources, sounds good spiritually and emotionally, but is a concept very difficult for most of us to live. Recently I was listening to my housemate who is going through an incredibly stressful divorce and custody case with a lot of aspects similar to the one I have been passing through, as many do unfortunately. What I notice often is that he constantly says this bad thing that she did or that bad way she has. I have had this tendency myself, during horrifically stressful losses that are very hard to digest and cope with, as many do in any traumatic and difficult life circumstances.
However, lately during the past year, I have been trying to recover from the fallout of a terrible legal process more based on lies and money than truth. In losing more care of Daughter in a foreign land, with no resources, and trying to move forward with what is left – I am returning to the concept that we are responsible for ourselves and our choices and even the things that happen around us, seemingly caused by other people.
Thinking about it, I see that we all make choices.
Regardless of whether you believe we are products of our upbringing and current choices, or a karmic journey in which we have made choices in a distant past, much of what happens around us and to us is a result of choices that WE make.
If you are having trouble with this idea, think about it…
We choose not to examine ourselves in a way that would fix things inside and draw healthier friendships and partners into our lives.
We choose to put ourselves in boxes as to what we can and can’t do, often just by thinking that way, leading us to be stuck in jobs that kill our spirits.
We attract people, in our lack of self-examination, whom we choose to marry and have children with based on so many of the wrong reasons – guilt, fear, security, status, sexual attraction that fades, or company because we decide that it is better than nothing.
We choose to eat poorly, not exercise, or choose to take drugs, leading to all manner of ill health.
We choose not to speak the truth to those around us, leading to missed opportunities to grow together, take healthier pathways, or help someone else learn a truth, while modeling direct clear communication, hopefully in a compassionate way.
People get themselves into situations with other people and do terrible, despicable, dramatic things to one another, then go and complain to others who complain back to them in a very negative cycle of not taking responsibility for how those situations arose.
If, instead we could take responsibility and trace the root of every situation back to its origin we might see where WE personally went wrong. Going there is a very difficult and often painful process, but also very liberating. It allows one to see consciously what can be done better, and leads to better choices, owning up to our part and becoming more elevated individuals in the process.
No matter what others “do” to us, there is a freedom that comes with realizing our part in it, and taking responsibility. Because our egos have been in place to protect us, it is very difficult to look inside to the root causes that led to the bad things that happen. However, becoming aware of this and delving into ourselves consciously, we can begin to heal the cause of our suffering. Taking responsibility for our actions and our lives, can only ultimately lead to the reward of clearer, happier times ahead with others and within ourselves.
We are in charge of ourselves, and owning that most certainly will lead to a more joyful existence for us.